Category: Joke Board
Hangover Rating System
One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well
However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this
way.
For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have
the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only
increasing
your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the
3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked
upon your bowels.
Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.
Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the
flavored
schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be
better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've
had
4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you
haven't peed once.
Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you
might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given
you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't
hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies,
it
looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes
look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in
perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day
brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the
employe e who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every
pore and
making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your
mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop
fairy
out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is
suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger
was
passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a
fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare ' floater'
thrown
in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet
water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now...
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary < BR>Proliferation
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex .
Nope, no more booze for me .
Sorry, but you're not really my type .
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well
However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this
way.
For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have
the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only
increasing
your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the
3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked
upon your bowels.
Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.
Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the
flavored
schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be
better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've
had
4 cups of coffee,
Looks like you attempted to post twice? How drunk were you when you posted this? LOL, just kidding.
Very, very funny stuff. I hope never to experience three or four-star hangovers, at least not if I have to go to work the next day.
ahahahahahah, TexasRed mmm
yeah Becky, the damn thing wrapped around on me, sorry
I'm somewhere between a 3 and 4 right now, because I can't find my bottle of fucking asprin.
I am personal friends of each of those hangovers. Honestly, they're no joke, but this was funny.
Bob